If you are having difficulties and problems in your marriage or common-law relationship, you may wish to read the attached blog.

Many couples in Saskatoon seek marriage or couple counselling only as a last resort. Sometimes it is too late. Problems have festered because they have not been resolved. Communication has broke down if it was ever there to begin with. They are living separate lives. Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is a thing of the past. Often, resentment and anger have built and become extremely destructive.

The truth is people tend to deal with their marriage often when it is too late. In other words, they approach their relationships in a reactive manner as opposed to being proactive. What does being proactive look like? It means being aware and taking note of the “‘red flags” when they first occur so that can be resolved and dealt with in a timely and constructive manner. A relationship stands a far greater chance of success if issues are recognized and dealt with up front. If you were diagnosed with cancer, you would not wait to seek treatment. Yet, this is precisely what people do with their relationships.

People would be wise to see a relationship coach/counsellor early in the relationship or, at least, long before it has ‘flat-lined.’ This accomplishes a number of things. The coach/counsellor i able to detect both individual and couple dynamics in the relationship that are causing problems. Many people tend to avoid their problems and most of us have blinders to ourselves. An objective person is exactly what is needed to clarify to both parties what is happening. Far too often, individuals in a relationship are focused only on the other’s behaviour. They are playing the “blame game.”

Many people are not informed of what constitutes a healthy relationship and what it takes to make it work. Some have come from abusive or toxic families of origin and, as a result, have never had a healthy model of a functional relationship. They falsely assume that relationships are just supposed to function on their own. You would be surprised how many people assume that relationships do not require effort and goodwill. There are different phases and stages in relationships that bring about new challenges. Too often, partners are focused only on the behaviours of their spouse and trying desperately to change them by pointing out their flaws. This never works and serves only to shame and anger the partner. Hence, issues actually become exasperated as partners criticize and blame one another over and over again.

We are all blind to ourselves (to some degree) and unaware (in one way or another) of how we may be contributing to the contamination or toxicity of our relationships. When our partner addresses one of our limitations, we may become defensive. We must know how to approach these sensitive subjects in constructive ways where our partner doesn’t feel attacked or belittled. All of this requires skill, knowledge, and education that many of us do not possess because we have not been taught.

Being proactive with your relationship could save you a ton of emotional, physical, and financial resources. The alternative may be divorce, custody battles, or a life of quiet desperation.

If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, contact me for a proactive approach to resolving your issues and saving your marriage. It’s worth it! You can get the hope and vitality back in your relationship. You just have to know how.

© 2015